A Trip To The Coffee Shop
October 30th, 2008 by AndyThis morning I woke up with the worst craving for a mocha. Unfortunately between getting my daughter to school, and myself back home to work I didn’t have time to stop and get one in the morning. By the time 11:00 rolled around, I was starving and still craving that wonderful caffeine and chocolate mixture so I decided to go to lunch early. I hopped in the car, and off I went.
Before I continue my little store it is important to note that over the past few months, I’ve been working very hard at learning to pay attention to the non-verbal communication of other people. The theory is that the words we say is only a small amount of our actual communication. Our non-verbal communication is much more important and telling. This may seem strange because you normally this communication is completely subconscious. If you’ve ever been asked why you didn’t like someone and relied with something like “I don’t know, he just gave me a bad feeling” you’ve actually come close to realizing this. That is your subconscious using that non-verbal communication to communicate a message to you kinesthetically (through feelings).
So anyway, while I was out getting my lunch, I stopped at the coffee shop. Ordinarily I’d just go though the drive thru and head home, but my subconscious though it would be better if I went in today and gave me a feeling. So I got out of the car, and confidently walked to the door with my back straight, shoulders back and head up. I walked to the register slowly and deliberately. The girl was off to the side making someone cleaning something when I reached the counter.
Months ago, I would have stood there patiently, as I was willing to today, while she finished cleaning whatever it was, but not today. As soon as she saw me, she looked up, smiled, fumbled with what she was cleaning, put it down, and practically ran over the register to greet me. Her non-verbal communication was crystal clear. She was excited, nervous, and perhaps a bit intimidated. I ordered and paid, while she was smiling, and giving off very positive body language the whole time. I told her to have a good day and walked over to where I had to pick up my drink. Another girl was out changing the garbage bag. I tell he “Hi” and get the same body language from her.
The third girl, the one who made my coffee, was the best. She’s rushing to make it, paying more attention to me than the coffee. She goes to put the whipped cream on top, and ends up putting on too much and making a mess. I almost laughed, but managed to just smile instead. She brought it over nervous and apologizing. I just thanked her and told her to have a great day and left just as confidently as I had first entered.
As I returned to my car, I wanted to jump up and down with excitement. While I didn’t carry on a spectacular verbal conversation with these girls, what I had accomplished was much more important. I had managed a HUGE non-verbal talk with them. I had also managed, for the first time, to pay attention to every detail of their non-verbal communication. In fact, had I tried to carry on a lot of verbal communication, I probably would have messed something up just because I had to dedicate so much of my focus the non-verbal communication. With more practice I’ll be able to dedicate more of my attention to my verbal communication as well, but right now, this was a huge win!
Disclaimer: The information contained in this archive is provided 'as is' without warranty of any kind. The entire risk as to the results and the performance of the information is assumed by the user, and in no event shall Andrew Almquist be liable for any consequential, incidental or direct damages suffered in the course of using the information in this archive. Use of the information contained in this archive are governed by their respective license agreements and may contain restrictions on use.
October 30th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
I just love the idea of having a completely non-verbal conversation while being totally aware that I am doing it! Thanks for that inspiration, I will be looking for the next opportunity to practise that.
October 30th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Actually I think I might have been a little bit misleading. You can’t actually “Control” your own non-verbal communication, yet you can be aware of it to some extent. What you can learn to do is control your thoughts and state which lead to certain non-verbal communications. My control was in my focus on the state I wanted to be in. Some of that was through internal dialogue and some internal visualization. In the end it always comes down to BEING what you want to represent non-verbally.