Why do All Girls Play Games?
November 6th, 2009 by AndyA few days ago, I received a text message from a friend of mine saying “I’m sick of these games! Why do all girls play games!?” Upon receiving this, I took a few minutes to contemplate my response and responded “Have you taken the time to consider that you may be the one playing games?” Many minutes passed before I received his response, “No, I’m sure it’s them.” I then asked him, “Can you say that this one simple statement is true about yourself: ‘I know what I want to do completely and have no questions about it?’” to which he answered “No.”
Later that night, I took some time to sit down with him and teach him and help him to understand how he was the one “playing games.” See, over the last few months, he and I have been occasionally going to clubs together on Saturday nights, and I have had the opportunity to see him in action first hand. When texted me that day, I wasn’t the slightest bit surprised. I knew exactly why he was experiencing the problems he was experiencing. I knew what he didn’t: He wasn’t being congruent and his body language was betraying him.
Congruency is a subject that I have discussed many times in the past. Basically, when you are congruent, All of your communication, both verbal and non-verbal says the same thing. In this case you need to be portraying self-confidence, yet my friend alternates between confidence and insecurity. As soon as he gets into a situation where he is insecure about his decisions, you can watch his muscles tighten, the rate of his breathing increases, sweat beads on his forehead, and his voice trembles. His body and mind quickly give his feelings away without him having any idea that this is happening. Females, as it turns out are very sensitive to these non-verbal clues, and while they may not know why, they get uncomfortable when faced with someone displaying incongruence. They may get the feeling that you’re a creep, or that everything you say is a bunch of crap, and really they aren’t far off.
So the solution seems simple. You can just learn to control your non-verbal communication so that you’ll always seem confident and the “Games” will go away, right? Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. When women pick up on your incongruence, they are right, you are lying. If you don’t realize this, you are lying to yourself. Chances are, if you did attempt to fake it you would find it very difficult to function. This is just to much to constantly think about. Why would you even want to?
Take a few minutes to consider this. If unsure about what you want, there is a pretty good chance that when you do get whatever it is, you will be unhappy with it. Perhaps you are already unhappy and think that accomplishing this will make you happy. I’m pretty sure that if that is the case you can probably think of many other times where you thought the same thing and the happiness didn’t last. This time will be no different.
Instead, take the time to find yourself. Figure out what it is that you really want to a point where no longer question yourself. Pay attention to the thoughts in your head and make sure that you take care of the valid problems. If you do this, the problem of incongruence will take care of itself. You will actually be that confident person that you were attempting to fake before.
I realize that I wrote this blog from the male perspective, but these concepts apply to anyone, both male and female. If you find yourself looking for ways to become more confident, you may want to take the time to read back through some of my previous posts, especially those about incongruence, self-limiting beliefs and irrational fears.
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November 6th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Very interesting post and perspective.
Web-Betty´s last blog ..10 years and still going strong
January 31st, 2010 at 7:04 pm
I believe self confidence is the ultimate solution and it applies to men and vice versa. Informative blog.
Charmaine´s last blog ..Just For Laughs
February 12th, 2010 at 3:46 pm
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I try to pack as much useful information into my posts as possible.