When Social Anxiety is No Longer the Problem
December 1st, 2009 by AndyOver the last few months, I have hit a point where my improvement has all but stagnated. For a while I was doing so well removing my irrational fears, learning to socialize better, and building my confidence until I finally hit a brick wall. What was worse was that this brick wall, compared to everything else in miniscule. For months I have struggled wondering why I couldn’t get over it.
The problem in my case is starting conversations with strangers. Up until now I haven’t been able to do it and until last night, I had no idea why. I tried every technique I knew and found that either they didn’t work or I just couldn’t do them. So last night I was talking to a friend about this and she asked me one very important question “How do you feel when it happens”, and I answered “I don’t.” That’s right. I have no anxiety at all in that situation. I simply do what I do a lot in situations I’m not used to; space out and get distracted. This is actually something that I consider a positive attribute. Usually when this happens I’m brainstorming, or relating huge amounts of seemingly unrelated information, but in this case I’m struggling to find a relation to help me start the conversation, and by the time I do, the opportunity has passed. So my current problem isn’t social anxiety at all. Instead it’s inexperience and over thinking.
Now I just need to tackle the problem, and here is how I plan on doing it. I’m going to start by walking up to people and asking them for advice. Whether it’s where to find something in the store, where to find a particular type of store, or just what they think of the shirt I’m wearing, this is something I can do. It may not be seem all that exciting or groundbreaking, but I still do over think when I do this, so in theory the more I do it, the easier it will get. Once I have done that I’ll move on to some of the things that are a little harder for me like the weather, sports, and current events. If I’m right, during the process of doing this a couple hundred times it will become automatic and that searching that happens now will be gone.
My point here has been that I was so focused on my anxiety that I refused to believe that I had conquered it when I in fact had. That’s not to say that I don’t feel anxiety at all anymore, but just that the anxiety that I do get no longer prevents me from moving forward. I was so focused on anxiety that I didn’t see my real problem, and ended up stuck running in circles for month trying to cure a problem I didn’t have. So when you get stuck, don’t forget to look for other explanations outside of your anxiety.
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December 1st, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Bravo! Good testimony to the value of collaboration, you never know what hidden truths you can uncover when discussing things with another
December 1st, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Honestly, I didn’t think of that particular angle, but that is true as well. It definitely helps to not be afraid to share and talk to others. Not only can they sometimes be helpful, but also just talking about things can force you to clarify to the point where you understand better yourself.